i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I deserve this hangover.
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