do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
