well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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