the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize