Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
