I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
