i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
