WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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