there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
