Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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