Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drake has all the answers
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize