watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
