I can tuck mytits in my pants
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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