You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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