You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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