so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
