Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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