i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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