The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
