I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
