you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
