i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
