Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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