I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
