see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
