Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
