So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
