I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
