I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize