wat bout pragnant strippers??
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
