watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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