I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
