her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
