a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i think my cat just said my name.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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