The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
