marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
