Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
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beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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