The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
