The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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