Swine flu. Run for my life!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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