the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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