Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
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