Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
