Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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