I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I didn't shave. On purpose
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
