just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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