I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
