I bet he comes in French.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
