I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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