I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
