you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
