Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
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