think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
