Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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