she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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