I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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