you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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