Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
