I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
