I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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