You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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