I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
