just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
