HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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