I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
