i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
