I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
